


Let Me Hear You Say You Love Me (Discontinued)

by neadevar



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Bullying, Deaf, Eremin - Freeform, Fluff, Forgive Me, Love, M/M, NSFW, Oops, Romance, SO MUCH FLUFF, and some nsfw later on so, collage AU, cuties being cute, took away eren's hearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-19
Updated: 2016-12-10
Packaged: 2018-01-13 01:30:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 17
Words: 17,318
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1207801
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/neadevar/pseuds/neadevar
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"I never expected someone to actually stand up for me for that day. And definitely not Eren."<br/>College AU where Eren lost his hearing in a house fire.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. And I Just Stared

 

**– Armin -**

 

I was only ten when I met Eren.

Honestly it was the best thing that could have happened to me. Getting bullied was something I was used to in elementary. It’s still something I’m used to. And I suppose that’s a bad thing, it’s a weakness, but it’s the truth. It started when I first went to school and continued up until I graduated high school. If I fought back it only got worse. If I went to the teachers all they would say was “Boy’s will be boys”. As much as my grandfather tried to help with it, it didn’t do any good. By the time I turned ten I realized that if I wanted life to be easier for me it was best to curl up and cower. Eventually they’d get bored and leave me alone and I could make my way to the nurse’s office. It worked more often than it didn’t. No one bothered to help me. No one even watched. The kids just turned a blind eye scared because in their eyes I probably deserved it. I never expected someone to actually stand up for me for that day.

And definitely not Eren.

Eren was the new kid, in a different class then me actually, so all I heard were the whispers that ran around the school about him. I knew he had a temper, he kicked a kid who was taunting him and got sent to the office his first day. Although by the time the story got to me it was nothing but a rumor. The story got bigger and bigger until eventually the tale was that he freaked out in a classroom, threw a desk, and kicked a boy breaking his leg. How anyone believed it I never understood. No one in our grade even had a broken leg. As for why he even kicked him in the first place I never found out, nor did I care too. It was best not to get too involved in other peoples dramatics. It would give them more reason to target me which was something I definitely did not need.

It was recess when I first met him, and I was cowering behind the bleachers trying to block out all the painful blows that were rained on me. There were three kids, all a grade older, seeming to find it hilarious that my parents were dead and that I refused to fight them back. I just curled up and took what they gave me hoping it would end soon. It hurt, a lot, but I didn’t let them know that. I wasn’t weak. I wasn’t going to let them think they were hurting me. I couldn’t fight back but I could still save what was left of my dignity.

And then Eren, screaming at the top of his lungs, charged in and took all three boys down in a matter of minutes. It was terrifying. Fists were flying and legs were flailing and the kids were screaming. I thought for sure he was going to turn on me when he was done and the boys went running. Instead he held out a hand and cocked his head. And I just stared at him. That was all I could manage to do. Why was he helping me? No one had ever stood up for me before.

“Why did you help me?”

He frowned then, and tapped at his ears, making coordinated gestures with his hands and shaking his head. At the time I had no idea he was deaf. And me, awestruck that someone actually stood up and defended me to question his motions, took his hand and let him help me up. He took me to the nurse, watched as she clucked her tongue and patched me up, and then went to the principal’s office. He was suspended for a day because he broke one of the boys’ nose. The three kids who attacked me were suspended for a week. I had a broken arm, my writing arm, and the principal decided that maybe this bullying was getting out of hand.

A few days later Eren transferred into my class, refusing to take no for an answer when he requested to be put with me, and was essentially my right hand until my arm was healed to where I could write again. He would help me do my assignments and in turn I would help him with his because he wasn’t the brightest kid I’d ever met. But he made up for that with determination.

Eren became my best friend, and I was fluent in sign language by the time I turned eleven. It was around then that he told me why he stood up for me. He saw that they were talking about my parents and them being dead. He said he could read it on their lips. That and the fact that they were just mercilessly beating me up which was something he couldn’t stand made him go charging in there. His mom had died too, crushed underneath their house during an fire. And I remember feeling so relieved that someone else knew what that kind of pain was like. I met his sister then. Mikasa was a sweet girl but she was broken. I only ever saw her smile around Eren. She transferred into the same school later that year after her doctors deemed her healthy enough to start and I became as close to her as I was with Eren. I found out she watched her parents murdered, and I wondered how all three of us could be so unlucky.

Now, ten years later, I found myself moving into a college dorm that I would be sharing with Eren. And he was getting frustrated.

His hands were moving erratically, and his sister was trying to calm him down. He kept making these noises that over the years I’ve grown accustomed to. There were certain sounds he made with certain emotions and I’m pretty sure that he himself doesn’t even know he makes them. He can’t hear himself. So how could he? Groans and grunts and words that were slurred because he could speak. He knew how to sound words out but he couldn’t fix his pronunciation. He couldn’t even tell that he was saying things off. And right now his sounds were a mixture of “fuck”s (which sounded a lot more like “Fawk”) and frustrated groans because his dad had packed his things up weird and he couldn’t find his stereo. It was something he turned on when he got frustrated and nervous, and he’d turn up whatever CD was in there at the time and put his hands on the casing to feel the vibrations. Often when he stayed at my house and didn’t have his stereo he’d put his hand on my chest and make me sing to him.

I tapped his shoulder, smiling at him and holding the box with his stereo. His face relaxed with relief and he gratefully took it from my arms. It was the first thing he set up. He plugged it in and messed around with the cables and the frame before he decided its position in the desks shelf was good enough.

Our first year in college.

God I hope this turns out well.

 

 

 

“Eren you cheated! Hey! And you’re not even looking at me,” I huffed and put my controller down as I died… for the fifth time. Video games aren’t my forte.  But that doesn’t change the fact that he cheated. Again.

Eren threw his hands up in the air in victory, almost sending his own controller flying, and looked at me with a grin. I just rolled my eyes and signed, “Good job, now stop cheating.”

He responded with his own eye roll.

The TV and gaming system was the first thing we actually set up. Our luggage was still on our bare beds and our boxes stacked in the corner mostly unpacked. Mikasa had left a while ago to get back to her apartment. Unlike us she had taken the chance to graduate early with a degree so she could help support Eren in case he needed it. On more than one occasion he had talked about dropping out. It was actually me that convinced him to go to college with the promise it would be nothing like high school. I could have graduated early with my own college degree but I promised Mikasa I wouldn’t leave Eren behind.

He looked at me then and pouted, signing, “I want coffee. Can we go to Star Bucks?”

I narrowed my eyes, “We’re college students and we’re broke. We can hardly afford Star Bucks.”

His face fell and he widened his eyes a little, knowing I wouldn’t be able to say no to him if he did that. He pushed his lower lip out a little in a pout and my willpower broke. I groaned and leaned my head back, signing to him and telling him to grab his wallet so we could get going. I reached into my pocket to make sure I had my money and keys before following his excited step out the door. And I just stared. Because of all the people I could have fallen for, all the guys and girls I’ve met that wanted nothing more than to be with me, I had to fall for him.


	2. Seething

**– Armin -**

 

I knew it would have been too much to ask for. But honestly I didn’t think Eren would get on a fight his first day.

First day of class, the teacher wasn’t even here yet, and everyone had taken the chance to mess around. I honestly didn’t mind too much. It meant I could talk with Eren a little longer before class started. He laid his head on his desk, making sure to keep his eyes on mine as he lazily signed. He wasn’t excited. Eren didn’t even want to be here at all. I didn’t feel bad for making him go to college though. An education was important and I wanted him to be able to get a good job.

And it was around then that some kid started hitting on me. At first it was just simple glances. Then he started getting touchy. He’d trail his fingers along my arm as he talked to me and smirk a little. Eren was literally vibrating with anger next to me. And me, being embarrassingly too timid, couldn’t bring myself to tell him to leave me alone in case he got angry. Then Eren attacked.

His name was Jean, and I only knew that because while Eren was going at him a freckled boy was screaming his name. Fists were flying and people were shouting and the class gathered around in a circle to watch the fight better. I had barely managed to pry Eren off of him before the teacher came in, and Eren was definitely in a bad mood now. He was simmering the rest of the class, occasionally looking at Jean with a scowl on his face and murder intent in his eyes even though I assured him that I was fine and he didn’t need to be so angry now.

Classes went by slowly, complete with all of the introductions and explanations of the curriculum and what was expected of us. Eren might be really good at reading lips but he still looked at me with confusion every once in a while and I had to sign to him what they had said. He smiled sheepishly afterwards every time and my stomach did little flips every time he did.

I ended up dragging him to the coffee shop down the road to keep him from going after Jean again when our classes ended. That was a great feat in itself. Twice I had to steer us down a different hallway when I spotted Jean to keep Eren from lashing out. He really didn’t like him. With good reason I suppose but I knew I’d have to keep those two far away from each other. And Jean’s friend, the freckled one, gave me a look that told me he had the exact same idea.

He groaned and leaned back in his seat, Chai Tea in hand. He signed that he wasn’t happed with me, but I knew him well enough that he was only mad that he didn’t even get a punch in when fighting with Jean. So I just rolled my eyes.

“It’s the first day of school,” I scolded, “You can’t get into fights like that.”

“He was hitting on you,” he signed.

I smiled softly, “I’m a big boy. I can take care of myself.”

“You can’t defend yourself.”

I frowned at that, and turned away from him. I didn’t need a reminder of how weak I was. Today was proof enough. I couldn’t even stand up for myself long enough to tell Jean to lay off when he started making me uncomfortable. I saw Eren lift up his hands to apologize but I beat him before it.

“Don’t apologize. You’re right.” His face fell and he started moving his hands again, “Eren I’m serious. You’re completely right. I can’t defend myself. But that does not mean you need to be there to attack someone whenever they even so much as look at me differently. Okay?”

He was feeling guilty. It was all over his face, “Okay.”

I took a sip of my coffee, “Finish your tea.”

 

 

 

Eren was in bed asleep. It didn’t take long, not that it ever did. He fell asleep quicker than anyone I had ever met. It was something I’d always been jealous of. It took forever for me to fall asleep. And now it was twelve at night and my stomach was begging me for a snickers bar. It took a lot of effort to actually heave myself out of bed. My spare change rattled in my jeans as I took the stairs and turned the corner, only to run straight into Jean. We both fell onto the ground, me with a small squeal and him with a groan. I felt my face heat up at the silly noise I made and quickly got up and straightened myself out. Well, as much as one could in a pair of pajama pants and a loose tank top.

Jean smiled at me apologetically, “Sorry about that. Where’s your body guard, cutie?”

I looked up at him cautiously, both intimidated by his height and the fact that he couldn’t tell his advances were unwanted during class, “He’s asleep.”

“Does he know you’re out and about?”

And why would that matter? “What do you want, Jean?”

“I wanted to know why he got so worked up over me talking to you today in class. Is he your boyfriend?”

I felt my cheeks heat up embarrassingly, “No, god no he’s not.”

“Then why did he over react? It’s not like I said anything rude to you.”

“He couldn’t hear what you were saying,” it came out as nothing more than a mumble. I wanted nothing more than to just grab my snickers bar and head back to my room to hopefully catch a couple hours of sleep before school tomorrow.

“What?”

God help me. “He’s deaf.”

He looked surprised then, and maybe even a little embarrassed, before he smiled, “That explains it. I just thought he was stupid.”

I narrowed my eyes before shoving past him, trying to contain whatever anger I felt boiling up in me. I can’t do conflict. I’ll lose. I always lose. If I come back to Eren covered in blood then he’ll kill Jean for sure and preventing a future murder is my main goal with him.

“Hold up! Armin is it?”

“What?!” I flinched at my tone of voice, biting down on my lip hard and expecting Jean to hit me.

“Next time keep your dog on a leash. He scared the crap out of Marco.”

I tensed up, wanting to start yelling, wanting to attack him, but I couldn’t. If he fought back I’d only end up losing. So instead I kept walking, trying to keep my breathing in check and trying desperately not to turn around and go after him. I grabbed a snack, and went back up to my dorm still seething.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> cough  
> did I ever mention that I have an ask armin blog?  
> -hint hint- -nudge nudge-  
> ask-a-armin.tumblr.com


	3. Like an Anchor

**– Eren -**

 

_“Mom! Mom, please you have to get up!” I was desperate. I don’t think I’ve ever been this desperate in my life. I gripped the wooden plank on top of my mom and pulled with everything I had in me, but I couldn’t get it off. Mom was stuck, and I couldn’t do anything about it! She wasn’t moving. Her legs were crushed. Mama can’t walk. How am I supposed to get us out of here? We needed to leave!_

_The fire was spreading everywhere. I could feel it licking my skin and burning my feet and the smoke was stinging my eyes. But I couldn’t leave mom here. I couldn’t let her die here._

_“I’ll carry you just please!”_

_Her face was frantic, she kept looking around as if someone might come to help us, “You need to get out of here. Get Mikasa and get away!”_

_“Please mom it’s too hot! I can’t breathe! Hurry, I can carry you!”_

_“Get out of the house, before it collapses please!”_

_“Mama!”_

_Something exploded and then there was agony. Pain, blinding pain, it was searing my head and my ears hurt so bad. I was dimly aware of someone carrying me out, I could see my neighbors face through the smoke, and I could see Mikasa trailing beside him crying. But all I could do was scream and scream and scream because my ears were_ bleeding _. I could see it on my hands and feel it on my skin. And I couldn’t hear. I couldn’t hear anything. I couldn’t hear the crackling of burning wood or the roar of the fire or my own screams. There was this roar in my ears that blocked everything out._

_And mom was still in there. I could still see her face. She was crying and smiling at me and nodding as if everything would be okay._

_Mom, nothing’s going to be okay._

I woke up, hands clutching at my chest and I could feel my heart pounding. I was dimly aware that I was shaking, and maybe I had been screaming because my throat felt so raw and torn. My face was wet with tears and I couldn’t bring myself to wipe them off because  couldn’t move my hands from where they clutched at my chest and at the blankets. And I couldn’t breathe. I was so lightheaded I thought I was going to pass out but if I fell asleep again I’d see mom. I’d see her dying.

It was just a dream, just a memory. You’re safe now.

And I kept repeating that to myself, over and over and over hoping that the words would take effect.

I must of made too much noise, because Armin was right there brushing the hair from my face and saying something to me. But my eyes were too blurry with tears that just wouldn’t stop and I couldn’t make out what he was saying. His lips were moving and I couldn’t make sense of it. Then he was right beside me, laying down with me and grabbing my hand so he could press it to his chest. I could feel his heartbeat stuttering through his thin shirt and I started crying harder because I had worried him. He was scared for me. I could feel it with the way he was shaking and how hard his heart was beating. And then he was singing. I could feel it in the palm of my hand. The vibrations traveled up my arm, and I could swear I could hear him. I could at least pretend I could. Slowly, I felt my shaking start to settle, my sobs turn to pathetic hiccups. He was still singing. He ran his fingers through my hair and wiped at my face with a tissue from the stand beside the bed. He was yawning. He was tired. But he didn’t stop singing until I was fast asleep. And, like an anchor, he kept me grounded to reality, and I didn’t have another nightmare the rest of the night.

 

 

 

It was only the third day of college, and I already knew I hated Jean.

He couldn’t keep his eyes off Armin, and that pissed me off more than I’d like to admit because Armin was _my_ friend. The cocky way he carried himself ticked me off too. He acted like he was better than everyone else around him and I can’t stand people like that. I kept finding myself glaring at him whenever I spaced out during class, envisioning my hand in his face. And he couldn’t keep his god damn bedroom eyes off of Armin. It was making him uncomfortable. He was visibly tense and pale because he had never been good with other people, especially not when it came to flirting. And it _pissed me off_ that Jean didn’t seem to realize that. I ground my teeth and clenched my pencil hard enough to snap it in two.

Armin’s hand on my shoulder kept me from jumping across the table just to smash his face in. I took a deep breath and slumped against the desk with a sigh. It was almost annoying how easily he could calm me down. It was just as annoying how much I needed him around just to keep me level headed. Mikasa could do it pretty well, but she wasn’t here and Armin was and he was working almost better. He rubbed his thumb gently into my shoulder and I felt the rest of my tension flow out of my body.

When classes were finally over I fell on top of bed. Armin tapped my shoulder and I looked up to him watching him sign, “Are you okay?”

I groaned and pushed my face back down into the bed, signing to him that I was fine, just tired. God was I tired. I turned around and looked at him lazily signing, “Take a nap with me?”

As he usually did when I said something like that he just rolled his eyes. No. Armin. I don’t think you understand. I’m serious. I curled up on the bed and watched him get his homework out so he could work on it. As usual his papers were nice and neat and crisp and everything was in order as opposed to mine with were just haphazardly shoved into my bag. He grabbed a headband from the drawer to pull his hair out of his face, which only succeeded in making his eyes look even larger if that were even possible.

God he’s too perfect. I put my hands over my face and turned around so I didn’t end up staring at him for too long. I didn’t need to make it so painfully obvious that I was into my best friend. Armin would be smart enough to figure it out if I wasn’t careful. It’s not like I tried to like him, he just grew on me so much I found myself wishing I could do more than just hug him occasionally when he needed it or ruffle his hair when he got frustrated. He was like an anchor to me, singing when I needed something to calm me down, being right there when I woke up from a nightmare, hell even getting agitated, he was always right there to help me get myself grounded again. I couldn’t help but start to fall for him over the years. And it fucking sucked because he’d never go after anyone like me, even if he was gay.

I groaned, the vibrations tickling my throat. You need to get over this crush, Eren. Liking him will get you nowhere.


	4. Sister Dearest

**– Eren -**

 

“And he won’t stop hitting on him!” I signed, scowling as I complained about it to my sister. Mikasa just raised an eyebrow at me and leaned back on her couch.

Jean had been a pain in my ass this whole week. His friend Marco had been trying his best to get him to lay off Armin but it wasn’t working. Now though, he was just doing it to piss me off. He’d make eye contact with me while he flirted with my best friend with that douche bag smirk that I wanted to wipe off his face with my fist. Occasionally he’d angle himself to where I couldn’t read his lips to see what he was saying but with the way Armin tensed ever so slightly I knew he was saying something vulgar and it disgusted me. He never outright talked to me, but he’d make it obvious when he was pissing on me because he’d make sure I could see his face while he did it. On more than one occasion Marco had to come up to me after class to apologize to me on Jean’s behalf. And while I couldn’t stand that horse-faced jerk I decided that his friend wasn’t _half_ bad.

In fact he was going with me and Armin to breakfast tomorrow at Denny’s.

“Why does that bother you so much?” Maybe I couldn’t here it, but I could definitely see the amusement in Mikasa’s face to know it was also in her voice.

I snorted, “It’s making Armin uncomfortable! You should see how pale he gets when Jean starts talking to him. Armin doesn’t have the guts to tell him to back off so it’s up to me to get that horse faced jerk to leave him alone!”

“Are you sure you’re doing this for Armin and not because you don’t want him to end up with anybody except for you?”

I blushed to the tips of my ears, jerking off of Mikasa’s couch and making my way towards her kitchen cursing her for being right and cursing myself for wearing my emotions on my sleeve. Trust Mikasa to put it bluntly what I had been trying to hide from everybody for so long.

Mikasa followed me into the kitchen. I didn’t get mad at her for it. I hadn’t seen my sister in a few days, and that much time was more than I was ever used to. Mikasa and I were joined at the hip for so long being separated from her is almost terrifying. It makes it easier that Armin’s there with me I guess. But this is my sister, the girl I had to watch out for when she came to our home after her parents were killed, the girl who had my back in every argument against people at school, this was my best friend for the longest time. I never made friends well. Dad always said it was because I was too angry and harsh and unapproachable, and he was right. I was okay with that though. I didn’t need a whole lot of people. Not seeing her for three days though definitely made me antsy. Armin could tell too, he was actually the one who shoved me out of our dorm so I could see her. He wouldn’t come with me, making the excuse that he had to study, when in reality he probably just wanted to have some peace and quiet for himself. Because of Jean I had been playing my stereo a lot, and though Armin never complained I could tell after a while it was starting to disrupt his studying. So I didn’t push him to come with me.

Besides, spending some time alone with my sister meant I could talk about Armin all I wanted.

I got myself a glass of water and took a sip before turning around and nearly dumping it all over myself in fright. I glowered at Mikasa and set my drink down.

“Don’t sneak up on me like that,” I signed to her.

She just rolled her eyes at me.

I jumped up on the counter and watched her as she dug through the fridge. When she finally turned back to me with a pudding cup in her hand I signed, “How’s life been for you?”

She scowled, “My boss is a tiny shrimp of a jerk, and I’m pretty sure he’s banging _his_ boss with the way they look at each other. How he manages to run a music station astounds me. He’s an asshole. I’m working with this girl Annie though, she helps me with the music and talking to the viewers and she’s nice enough. It makes my job a little easier with someone around to complain about our boss too.”

Oh ho, ho, am I hearing this right? I raised my eyebrows up and down, giving her a ‘Hey Baby’ look for which she smacked me upside the head for. I rubbed my head and scowled at her.

“I’m not interested in her Eren.”

I think I might have whined a little, because she smiled and rolled her eyes and ruffled my hair.  
“I’ll find myself a girlfriend soon. So, what’s been going on with Armin.”

If it were possible my scowl got even deeper, “I think I’m annoying him. I’ve been playing my stereo a lot, and he hasn’t been as talkative as usual. I should probably leave him alone for a little bit.”

My sister shook her head, “Don’t be an idiot. He’s probably more quiet because of what’s been going on with that Jean brat, plus with you guys being around each other so often there’s hardly anything new to talk about. That’s normal. That happens.”

I rested my head against a cabinet, “I know. I keep telling myself that.”

She licked the top wrapper of her pudding cup before speaking again, “Do you still like him?”

“Oh course.”

“Does he not yet?”

“Hell no!”

She smirked, “When are you going to tell him?”

“Never.”

“Why?”

“Because he’ll hate me. Because we won’t be friends anymore. Because it’ll make things awkward.” I could go on and on about all the bad things that could happen.

“What if he likes you back though?”

I frowned, “I don’t think he’s gay, and even if he were he wouldn’t ever like someone like me.”

Mikasa looked like she was choking, “You’ve been friends for how long and you guys have never had that conversation? Does he know you’re gay?”

“No.”

“You’re both idiots.”

I pouted and kicked my legs a little, begging her to change the subject.

“How has college been?” Stupid lesbian. Not that kind of subject.

“Dumb,” I didn’t even bother trying to lie, Mikasa would see through it anyways. “I hate it. The teachers are stupid. The students are stupid. The only one not stupid is Armin, and Jean’s little friend Marco isn’t so bad. Only because he apologized to me for Jean though. But he hangs out around that fuck so he’s still pretty stupid. I hate both you and Armin for making me go.”

“This will do you a lot of good Eren.”

“I don’t care.” I crossed my arms.

“I’ll make a bet with you. A hundred dollars says you can’t stay the whole school year.” Her eyes narrowed in a dangerous way, and in the back of my mind I knew she was bribing me but it was a bet and I could never pass those up. Of course she knew that.

“Deal!”

 


	5. Bad Person

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Armin finally gets some alone time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beware shota boy getting dirty

**– Armin -**

 

Eren was finally gone. It took me forever to get him out of the apartment because he was so worried about me. After promising, multiple times, that I would be just fine and that I’d be here just doing my homework he finally left. I was using the time alone to my advantage.

And belittling myself while doing it, but that’s what anyone would do right? I mean what I’m doing is absolutely disgusting.

Maybe I should turn the music up louder.

This is bad, this is _so_ bad. I’m a bad person. There’s nothing I can do about it, absolutely nothing, because who the heck jacks off to the thought of their best friend? Disgusting people that’s who, disgusting horny teenagers who can’t keep their thoughts in control and oh god. I should be past this. I’m nineteen for Christ’s sake. I should be over this right? It’s only been a few days since I’ve been able to get off. I shouldn’t be feeling this hot and this needy. I shouldn’t be thinking about Eren while doing _this._ I’ve always had more control before. I hate myself. I really, really hate myself.

I bit into the flesh of my palm, trying to keep my whimpers down. The walls were thin enough and I couldn’t stand the thought of someone next door hearing me doing _this._ My hips shook, pushing up restlessly because it felt so good and it felt so wrong. I felt hot and ashamed and breathless and so, so disgusted with myself but I just couldn’t stop. I didn’t want to stop. It felt too good to stop.

I couldn’t keep Eren out of my head. I kept smelling him and feeling his hot, large hands all over me. I could feel them sliding up my sides slowly, teasing me when it was just all me doing this to myself. I shut my eyes tight imagining that those were his fingers that pinched and twisted my nipples and that it was his hand that was around my cock. If I thought hard enough I could almost feel his breath in my ear. I could almost hear those small noises he always makes when he’s concentrating hard enough and it only made me feel even hotter.  My body burned with need. My lower stomach was tight and I couldn’t keep myself from arching my back because it had been so long and it _felt so good._ I was close but I didn’t want it to end. I wanted to stay here and think about him and feel so amazing and I didn’t want it to end. I hardly had the time to do this. I was hardly ever alone. My toes curled and my back arched and god I really am a bad person. I shouldn’t be doing this. I shouldn’t be doing _this_ to the thought of my best friend.

I moaned out a little louder than I intended and twisted around in Eren’s bed. Yep, Eren’s bed. That’s how awful a person I was. I’d like to say I couldn’t help it, but I had spent at least fifteen minutes to work up enough courage to even lay on it. It smelled like him, and it was like he was surrounding me. There was a comfort that I only ever felt when I was with him and I could almost feel it right now. I whined and panted, gritting my teeth as I felt myself grow closer and closer.

I came with a small yelp, moving my hand from my mouth to clutch at the sheets. I whined softly, thrusting my hips against my hand not finding it in myself to care if I got his bed messy. It felt too amazing. I felt too dizzy. My head was spinning and the music playing in the room was distant. When I was finally able to think clearly I couldn’t find it in myself to regret that I did that. I tried to convince myself as I washed the sheets that it was an awful move and I should feel ashamed. But I couldn’t even regret it.

I really am a bad person.

 

 

Eren came back when I was asleep, in my own bed. I watched him get pull off his pants, muscle straining and absolutely mouth-watering, before realizing what I was doing and looking at the clock. 12:30, he’d been gone for a little over four hours. What time did I actually fall asleep?

I feigned waking up, stretching my arms high above my head and moaning softly, when Eren turned around. He jumped a little, before turning on a lamp so there was a little bit of light. I gulped as I looked at his naked chest and rubbed at my eyes hoping that if he did catch my gaze he’d pass it off as me still half asleep. If anything though I was wide awake now. He rubbed his hand over his naked chest in apology for waking me up and I took the opportunity to look. I was just watching him sign right? Not like I was staring.

Not trusting myself to speak I signed back, “Did you have fun?”

He grinned back at me, white teeth glinting in the lamp light, “Yeah! Mikasa makes amazing spaghetti. You should have come with us. We missed you.”

I was thankful that the dim lighting helped hide my blush. I don’t think I could live with myself if he could see how red my face felt. “I’ll come with you next time.”

“Did you finish your homework?”

Um, “Yes, I did.” For the most part.

Oh god, Eren, go to bed. I closed my eyes and groaned softly thanking god that he wouldn’t be able to hear me. No matter how hard I tried to keep my eyes focused on his face or his hands as they signed I couldn’t help but feel my eyes drop back to his chest, taking in the muscles and the way they cast shadows over his toned stomach. It made my mouth water and my heart flutter and if it were possible my face felt even hotter.

Jesus, strike me where I stand.

“You okay?” Just like Eren to be unobservant and concerned.

I nodded and lied, “I’m okay, just tired.”

His face fell a little bit in guilt, “Sorry, I’ll talk to you about it in the morning, okay?”

I bit back the feeling of guilt in my stomach and nodded at him, giving him a small smile before turning around in my bed so my back was to his bed and I was able to cringe and hate myself without him seeing.


	6. Nightmare Free

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I couldn't think of a name for the chapter I suck the name I chose sucks oh lordy

**– Armin -**

 

Breakfast was going amazing. Marco was laughing, Eren was grinning, and honestly this was the most fun I had had in a while. With homework already started to pile up and Jean tormenting Eren every chance he got it’s been rather stressful. It’s hard to do your homework when your roommate is playing music from the radio. I’ve actually started working out a trip to Walmart to restock on food, and I plan on getting some classical music or just something softer so I can concentrate. Eren was getting really stressed out lately, and this had him calmed down and relaxed which was a welcome change to how he’s been feeling lately. So I couldn’t complain about the music too much. I don’t think I could take any more of his moodiness.

And then the conversation took a bad turn when Jean came up and Eren practically growled. I could practically feel his annoyance.  I turned to him worried and watched his face darken considerably. Well, there goes his mood. He’ll be pissy the rest of the day and I’ll be the one to deal with it.

“Jean’s an asshole,” Marco admitted sheepishly and rather cautiously after seeing Eren’s face, “But his heart is in the right place normally I promise. He has a problem with you and he won’t even tell me why, but I’m going to get him to leave you alone. ”

Eren scowled, signing feverishly, which I then had to translate for Marco.

“He called him a,” I blushed to the tip of my ears and turned to Eren horrified, “Eren I’m not saying that!” that earned me a rather cute pout. No. Armin, you need to stop this.

I swallowed hard and turned away from Eren, “Um he said he’s mean and that he wants to kick his face in.” Only he said it a harsher way then I put it. There are some things I refuse to describe though, and what Eren wanted to do to Jean happened to fall into that category. Eren smiled and shook his head at me at my censorship and ruffled my hair with his large hand. I blushed lightly, and looked down at my food to pick at it. Did he even realize he was doing this?

No, probably not. Eren wasn’t perceptive. He hardly knew what he was doing most of the time, so the chances of him realizing how he was messing with not just me but my emotions as well is doubtful. I couldn’t hold him against it though. I enjoyed it. Besides, we were best friends. Best friends act that way around each other all the time. It’s not any different with us.

Marco only laughed, a nice sound that brought be back down to reality, “It might do him some good for someone to actually kick his ass for once.”

“You wouldn’t get mad?” I was a little surprised. They were close, not like me and Eren but still enough that he actually admitted that.

“No,” the freckled boy shrugged, “And I can always just nurse him back to health later.” I watched him shuffle in his seat, rubbing his palms on his pants and blushing slightly.

Then it clicked. My eyes widened, “Wait do you like him?”

“Like him?” Marco’s blush deepened. He shrugged, “Yeah, I guess so. Jean’s a dumbass though and wouldn’t be able to tell even if I shouted it at him.”

“How come you don’t get mad when he flirts with Armin?” Eren asked. I quickly translated it to Marco.

“I do,” Marco confessed, “I just don’t do anything about it. He’s not mine and I don’t have a right to act like he is. If he has a thing for Armin as his best friend I’m supposed to encourage him and help him out.” He stretched, “So are you two together?”

Eren choked on his drink, slamming a hand on the table as his eyes bugged. I blushed to the tip of my ears and patted his back trying to calm his coughing down a little. He was wheezing as he signed frantically but I didn’t take the time to actually translate it to Marco.

“No!” I said as soon as I was able to find my voice, “No, we’re just best friends. We’re not into each other like that.”

Oh god what a lie. I pleaded to any god out there that Marco would believe me or at least let this subject go. His smile told me he saw right through my last words though. I felt my heart sink. Oh god. If Marco can see that I like him does that mean Eren can too?

I didn’t get the chance to think about it too much though, because Marco quickly changed the subject to homework for first period.

 

 

 

Eren was napping when his phone started buzzing on his nightstand saying he got a text. Instead of waking him up to show him it though I just took it and opened it up.

 

_Mikasa: When are you and Armin going to come over?_

 

I took the phone and called her, preferring to hear her voice instead of just texting. I didn’t bother stepping out of the dorm, it’s not like I could wake Eren up with a phone call. That was one of the few benefits of having a deaf best friend.

That sounds horrible.

I didn’t have the time to reprimand myself for it before Mikasa picked up.

“Armin?! Is Eren okay?” Her voice was frantic and I frowned slightly.

“He’s fine, he’s taking a nap,” I sat down on my bed and folded my legs underneath myself. “You’re going to give yourself an ulcer if you keep worrying about him this much.”

She sighed, “I know. I can’t help it. He’s hotheaded and he gets into trouble far too much and he doesn’t know how to take care of himself. I can’t help but worry when I’m not there to keep an eye on him. I had a nightmare last night that he crossed the street and got hit by a car because he couldn’t hear it coming.”

My frown deepened, “You need to relax. I’m keeping a good eye on him, you don’t need to worry.”

“Has he beaten up that Jean kid lately?”

“Marco and I have managed to keep them from going at each other’s throats.”

There was a pause, “Marco? Is he a….”

I blushed, “No! Oh, god no. He’s Jean’s best friend.”

“Okay, that’s good. Anyways, do you know when you two could come over? I want to have a movie night. I miss you two.”

I fiddled with the blanket, “Um, maybe next weekend. That way if we end up falling asleep we can just stay over.”

“I’d prefer it if you did. The house is pretty lonely. I’ll call later this week to check in okay? Don’t let Eren cross the road without you.”

“I promise,” I laughed, “Bye, love you.”

“Love you too, Armin.”

I hung up the phone and got up to set it back down on Eren’s nightstand. A slight whine from him startled me, and I looked down at him worried he was having another nightmare. The small smile on his face told me otherwise and I relaxed. His face was free of anger and worry creases while he slept and that was always a nice change. While he relaxed around me his face was almost never that soft. There was always something bothering him. And even sleeping didn’t give him the escape he needed most of the time with the nightmares that plagued him. The few times he did sleep peacefully were a relief to both of us.

I watched him sleep for a minute before scolding myself. That was creepy. You don’t watch your best friend sleep. In the end though I ended up watching him from my bad, trying to justify it by telling myself I was just watching him to make sure he wasn’t going to have another nightmare.

I couldn’t even fool myself.


	7. Confessions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is kind of just a filler tbh its really short and I'm really sorry but the next one is a lot better. I'll post it when I'm done with the editing.

**– Eren -**

 

Mikasa’s words kept running through my head, the ones she told me before I left the house. I didn’t want to do this. I definitely did not want to face the possible consequences of doing _this_. There were so many things that could go wrong, so many ways I could fuck up what I was going to say, and so many reasons he could hate me for it. I don’t think I could handle that. If he hated me my whole world would be ruined. He was there for everything, always watching and always helping. If he decided to leave I don’t know what I would do. I don’t think I could manage without him. Without Mikasa here he was my voice. I don’t want to lose that.

 

_“Eren, you should tell him,” my sister’s face was serious, not that it was a change from her normal expression. This was difference though. It wasn’t her normal “Don’t fuck with me” face, she looked more concerned. “Not necessarily that you like him, but at least tell him you’re gay. I feel like he should know.”_

I was freaking myself out over it. I shouldn’t be, I’ve known Armin for most of my life, but here I was pacing back and forth in front of the couch running my hands through my hair with no idea of how to tell him. He could leave me. He could vanish completely from my life. I wouldn’t blame him, I’ve caused him enough trouble, and him knowing this could make it awkward for both of us. He could feel uncomfortable and that was something I never wanted to do to him. I did my best to make sure he was okay.

Armin was sitting on the couch watching me with worried eyes. I could tell he wanted to say something but he kept his lips pursed waiting for me to begin the conversation. That was one of the things I loved about him. He didn’t press you for information even if he really wanted to; he let you take your time. Right now I was incredibly grateful for that.

_Okay, come out with it._

_Just say it._

_God damn it Eren stop being such a coward._

I stopped and ran my fingers through my hair. This shouldn’t be so nerve wracking. I lifted my hands like I was going to say something, only to drop them. How am I going to do this? I rubbed my face with a hand. This shouldn’t be such a big thing. I could have just said this in passing. I shouldn’t have decided to make a big deal out of it. We could have gone to dinner down at the café. I could have just mentioned it casually and we’d be done. But now it was too late and Armin was expecting _something_ and I had nothing else to tell him.

I took a deep, shaky breath, and raised my hands again signing to him, “If I tell you something really important, please don’t hate me.”

The worry on his face increased, “I won’t hate you, Eren. I promise.”

I shook my head. This is stupid.

“I’m gay.”

We didn’t move, neither of us talked, and Armin just stared at me blankly. There was no emotion in his face but I could tell from his eyes that he was processing the knowledge, trying to figure out a reasonable response. Then he grinned and I felt the blood drain from my face as he started laughing. His shoulders were shaking and he was clutching his stomach and I swear to god there were tears in his eyes. Shit. Shit, fuck, bitch, _god_ I knew! I knew this was a bad idea from the start! Mikasa was wrong. I should have never followed her advice. I should have just kept this to myself like I have been since I realized. I should have never even spoke a word about it. I clenched my fists when I noticed my hands were shaking. Stupid. You’re stupid. You are so fucking stupid.

Armin seemed to realize how terrified I was, he saw how tensed up and stiff I was acting and immediately his laughing ceased. His brows furrowed, he tilted his head, and his lips pursed as if he were studying me.

“Eren,” he was signing carefully, “I don’t care.”

Shock. Complete and utter shock. I don’t know what I was expecting him to say but that was most definitely not it.

_What?_

“I don’t care,” he repeated slowly when I didn’t respond. “You’re my best friend, and I still love you. You liking boys is not going to change that alright? Why did you take so long to tell me?”

I scratched my arm, more to give me something else to do then to ease an itch. I shuffled around feeling embarrassed, “I don’t know.”

“Want me to let you in on a little secret?”

I nodded, albeit cautiously.

“I’m gay too,” Armin was blushing, “I just kind of figured it wasn’t something worse sharing.”

What?

_He’s gay too. My best friend and my love interest is gay too._

Oh, thank god.

Wait. No. Fuck.

Armin opened his arms, “Eren its okay I promise. Does your dad know?”

I shook my head vigorously. No way in hell was I going to tell my father. He motioned me forward and I fell onto the couch, resting my head in his lap. We did this often, and I’ll be honest I was terrified this would stop. It was one of the few things that would calm me down besides Armin singing to me. Maybe I just liked being beside him. Maybe I just liked the warmth he gave off. His fingers immediately went to my hair to brush it out of my face as I stared up at him.

He grinned down at me, “Do you know what this means?”

I frowned in confusion.

“We can talk about cute boys together now. Gone are the days of me trying to hide my blatant interest in movie stars.”

I rolled my eyes and buried my head into his stomach.

If he’s gay, what’s stopping me from doing more though? That’s what terrified me. Maybe Armin’s gay, but that doesn’t mean he’s interested in me. And now that I _know_ I felt like maybe, just maybe, there was a small chance. What’s to stop me from confessing now knowing that he won’t be disgusted anymore? What’s to stop me from kissing him on the days he looks cuter then normal or when he’s sad or when he’s just being Armin? This made things more complicated for me then it did to help anything. I’m fucked. I’m more fucked then before.

Mikasa this is your fault.


	8. Protection

**– Armin -**

 

What was I supposed to do now?

“And so, the Salem Witch Trials began,” the professors voice droned on and on, and normally I’d be interested in this sort of thing, but I had bigger things to worry about.  Like the fact that my best friend was gay and there was nothing else stopped me from kissing him the next time the chance rose.

I pressed my face into my hands suddenly grateful that Eren took his chance to sleep during the lecture. Normally I’d kick him awake. Sleeping through the lecture would most definitely drop his participation grade more, but I most definitely did not want him to see me like this. I could care less about the other people in the room, they didn’t matter to me. Hardly any of them spared a glance at me anyways and it was hardly different today. If the teacher noticed anything she hadn’t shown any signs.

But if Eren were to see my emotions this out of control then he’d worry himself sick and I didn’t want to deal with that. The last thing I needed was him doting on me trying to get me to tell him what’s wrong.

If that happened I might actually tell him, and I couldn’t let that happen.

If he found out I was practically in love with him everything would be ruined. I could kiss our friendship goodbye. I’d practically be packing his bags for him if I did that. I didn’t want him to leave me. I needed him around.

So I had to keep my mouth shut. I’d have to think about what I said more than normal around him. I had to keep this from him as long as I possibly could.

The professor continued with their speech, pausing every now and then to let people take notes. I didn’t actually bother, which was unlike me. I had too much on my mind.

 

 

 

I woke up that night to Eren’s thrashing in bed, groans and moans and noises of pure terror ripping themselves from his throat. I was up in an instant, leaning over him and grabbing his shoulders and trying to wake him up. Getting him awake during a nightmare though was like trying to push a boulder with your pinky finger alone, though that didn’t stop me. I shook him gently, speaking softly trying to get him to hear me so he could pull himself out of his dreams.

“Eren,” I pushed his damp hair from his face, “Eren, wake up. Come on. Please.” I knew he couldn’t hear me, but it almost made me feel better. I shook him a little harder, pressing my free hand to his face hoping I could wake him up. It didn’t normally take this long. He was having a really bad one.

His eyes shot open and he gasped for breath, looking around wildly. I quickly grabbed one of his flailing hands and held onto it tightly until he could focus on me. I turned on the lamp by his bedside so I could see his face better. His cheeks were damp with tears and my chest gave a lurch at that. I pulled the sleeve of my nightshirt over my free hand – there was no way he was letting go of my other one any time soon – and gingerly wiped at his face. He whimpered slightly and closed his eyes tightly.

_Maybe we need to get him into therapy again. The nightmares are getting worse._

I shook my head at the thought, remembering how awful therapy had been for him when we were young. He had refused to talk about his nightmares to anyone but Mikasa, and eventually me when he trusted me enough. All of them were of his mom dying, different scenarios, different circumstances. Sometimes he died with her, sometimes Mikasa did, sometimes all three of them, it varied. After a while he admitted that sometimes I was the one under the rubble dying. I think that’s what hurt the most, that he was terrified of losing me.

I smiled down at him gently, and motioned him over so I could crawl into bed with him. When I was situated underneath the covers his head immediately went to my chest and he clung to me tightly, almost to the point I could barely breathe. He was shaking, wracked with sobs, and I don’t think I’d ever be able to get used to it. It hurt me just as much every single time. It never got easier for either of us.

I started humming, just powerful enough that he could feel the vibrations in my chest but not that it would wake up the neighboring students. It was a pointless tune, a nursery rhyme, but he wouldn’t be able to tell. It was soft and slow and those kinds of songs helped him more than anything more elaborate when he was in this kind of state. Those were saved for when he was angry.

I could feel his tears soaking into my thin shirt, but his sobs had calmed down. I could hear him sniffling but couldn’t bring myself to care that he was getting his snot all over me. I probably would in the morning, but I had to do laundry anyways. It was no big deal.

I fell asleep beside him, curled around him like I could protect him when I knew full well that I couldn’t.

 

 

 

I should have been expecting them to find each other and beat the crap out of each other soon.

“Shit! Jean, listen to me!” Marco was near yelling and he pulled his best friend off of mine.

I was over there in an instant, hovering over him and shooting Jean a stare that _dared_ him to even try to go after him again. I shouldn’t have left Eren alone. I should have been right there with him.

Jean scoffed at me and let Marco pull him farther away.

“I’m so sorry, Armin,” Marco said hurriedly.

“It’s not your fault,” I assured, and shot Jean a stiff glare.

I moved away from Eren as he moved to get up. He didn’t make it very far before he fell down again, clenching his head in his hands and moaning softly. I grimaced and helped him back up, wrapping one of his arms over my shoulder so he could lean on me. Marco was already out of the classroom and yelling at Jean as he dragged him back to their room. His face was red and furious and if Jean wasn’t such as asshole I’d believe that he really did look a little embarrassed.

I resituated Eren so he could put a little more weight on my shoulders without it taking me to the ground before taking us back to our dorm.

Ten minutes, I leave for ten minutes to get the lunch money I forgot in my drawer, and he’s been beaten to a bloody mess. I was disappointed - more in myself though than Eren. I knew this was going to happen. Marco and I have been keeping them away from each other as if that would do the trick. I needed to talk to Eren, convince him to keep his cool around Jean. I needed Marco to talk to Jean about what comes out of his mouth. Just keeping them away from each other as much as we could wasn’t going to work.

I sat Eren down on his bed and he laid down with a heavy sigh. I rummaged through our bathroom looking for the first aid kit Mikasa had stuck in there when we first got here. When I found it I walked back into the room to see Eren shirtless and poking at a bruise on his stomach.

He looked at me and signed, “It looks like a bunny.”

I couldn’t find it in myself to laugh at his obvious attempt to lighten the mood. Instead I got to work on patching him up, being none too kind about him. I pushed down whatever guilt tried to build up whenever he flinched when I went a little rough. He deserved this. He needed to know how pissed off I was about this.

“You need to stop this,” I signed to him, I didn’t even bother looking at him. I took out an alcohol cloth and wiped it over the cut on his cheek

He scowled and hissed in pain, before forcing my head up and signing, “Jean started it.”

I didn’t warn him when I swabbed the cut on his lip with the pad. It was my own way at getting revenge almost.

“I can’t keep protecting you,” I told him, “Someday you’re going to get yourself into a situation and I’m not going to be there to patch you up. You’re going to get yourself killed.”

“I’m not that stupid.”

I shook my head, “No, but you’re that hot headed.”

His hand fell on my waist then and he looked up at me pleadingly, before removing it as he began to sign, “I’m sorry. I know. I’m trying, I really promise. I’ll try not to get into a fight with him again.”

I ruffled his hair and forced a smile.

I fell for a fucking idiot, but I already knew that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Someone asked if I track any tags for this story? And I guess I can start tracking Fic: Let Me Love You


	9. Frustrations and scary movies

**– Eren -**

 

I hated this, I hated everything. It was boiling inside of me, melting and eating away at me and leaving me _sick._ This was hell. This was absolute hell. Fuck being lucky to have survived, fuck being “strong” and “brave”. I didn’t need anyone to tell me that. I couldn’t stand this!

I was sick and tired of needing people to tell me what someone was saying. I was sick of them having to translate the movements of my hands. I hated everything about this. I didn’t want to be deaf. I missed hearing things. I missed hearing music and laughing and people talking to me. I missed the chimes of church bells even though I never really _went_ to church. Just because it was taken away from me I wanted it.

The phrase “You never know what you have until it’s gone” never applied so much to me before. And I hated it. I hated that phrase, I hated whoever said it. I hated that it was _true._

“And while Raphael-,” and I missed it. I missed the rest of what the teacher was saying because she turned around to erase what was on her white board. I tightened my hand around my pencil and squeezed my eyes shut.

I was going to cry. Fuck, I was going to cry. This is so stupid. I’m so stupid. I shouldn’t be getting so worked up but I was and I hated myself for it. My eyes were stinging and my nose was itching and the more it did the more frustrated I became with myself.

Armin put his hand on my shoulder and I opened my eyes to look at him. He looked at me worried, though no pity (Armin never pitied me, and that’s half the reason we got along so well).

“You okay?” he signed, and I found myself wishing above all else that I could hear him. At least once so I’d be able to hold onto that sound for the rest of my life. So I could just _know_ that much more about him. If I knew what he sounded like, what it was like to hear him laugh, it would make this just so much easier. I felt so much worse though, knowing that I wouldn’t ever be able to hear it.

When we were finally out of class I hurried back to our dorm, Armin struggling to keep up with my fast pace and apologizing to everyone I accidentally bumped on the way. I looked back a few times, just to make sure he didn’t get lost, but I didn’t bother talking to him. I didn’t want to talk. Armin knew that too. He didn’t try to talk to me, only followed me. It wasn’t until we were back in our room that he addressed me, turning on me and frowning and putting his hands on his hips because he was disappointed in whatever rudeness I showed in the halls. I just paced, back and forth, pulling at my hair.

What did he sound like when he was mad? When he was sad, and crying? What was his laugh like? All these questions kept running through my head and I hated myself more and more with each new one. This was fucked up. This was so fucked up. God, _I_ was fucked up. I can’t hear anymore and the one thing I want to hear the most is my best friends voice? I couldn’t even remember what my mom sounded like anymore, and all the tapes of her were lost in the fire. Shouldn’t I want to be hearing her? Or what about my sister? Mikasa’s been with me through everything. _Everything._ Shouldn’t I want to listen to her voice like I used to?

It wasn’t until he stepped up and stopped me, wiping at my face, that I realized I was crying. He was gently about it, patting at my face with the corner of his sleeve and looked up at me with those huge eyes. When he deemed me less of a mess he pulled me down onto our couch. Armin folded his legs underneath him and stared at me, eyes wide with worry and his eyebrows creased and all I could do was sniffle and wipe at my face because I couldn’t stop crying. Pathetic.

“Talk to me,” that’s all he said. That’s all he had to say and then everything was coming out.

“I can’t remember what music sounds like,” I signed to him, “Or my mom’s voice or Mikasa’s. I want to hear it again but I can’t and I miss it so fucking much, Armin. I’m tired. I don’t want to rely on you to tell me what the professor is saying because I can’t hear it myself.” I paused to wipe at my nose. “I want to be able to hear things again. I want to listen to music and dance and hear you and my sister laugh. I’m tired of this. I hate this.” I stopped then, pursing my lips and falling into his lap. I was crying even harder then, all the stress from college and my own god damn problems finally getting the better of me. I could have said more, I could have gone on and on. If I continued though I’d probably hate myself more than I do right now.

Armin started singing, rubbing my back with one hand while the other grabbed my hand so he could press it to his chest so I could feel it. I focused on the vibrations I felt then, feeling them increase in intensity and then fade.

This was the one time it didn’t help me calm down, because I wanted nothing more than to hear him. I didn’t dare tell him that though.

 

 

 

Holy shit. Holy shit, oh my god, lord fucking help me.

Movie night with Mikasa turned out to be more of a ‘Let’s see how many times Mikasa can make the boys just with scary movies’ night. Action movies were more of Mikasa’s thing then horror, so I was expecting something more along the likes of a spy movie or some shoot-em-up. By the time Armin and I had made it to her place she already had pizza. She had a slice hanging out of her mouth when she opened the door. Desert consisted of a tub of ice cream, which was currently melting untouched because Armin and I were too afraid to move and Mikasa was full (though her hand hardly left the popcorn alone).

It didn’t matter that I couldn’t hear anything, that probably made the movie all that more scary because I didn’t _know_ when to expect things to pop out.  Mikasa were faring better than Armin and I were. She just watched the movie with interest, her hand constantly in the popcorn bowl (which she had confiscated from us after we had jumped and sent it flying across the room). His head was buried behind my back  with his fists practically ripping holes in my shirt and I was clinging to one of his hands praying to god I’d make it through this movie alive. Occasionally Mikasa would look at the two of us and laugh because haha it’s so funny watching your brother and your best friend on the verge of a heart attack, right?

Fuck her.

“I hate you,” I signed to her, “So much.”

My best friend’s arms tightened around my stomach more, to the point it was almost painful, and he spared a look at the TV only to duck behind my back again almost immediately. I would have thought it was cute if I wasn’t scared out of my fucking mind as well. I could feel Armin whining into my back and I tightened my grip on his hand as if that would help. Scare me Mikasa, but leave Armin out of this. He was bound to have nightmares for weeks after this. Who do you think is going to have to stay up with him all night? Me.

The woman on the screen was suddenly pulled back into a closet, and I felt a scream lodge itself in my throat.

I hate my sister so much.


	10. In Too Deep

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -throws chapter at you before I go on vacation-  
> It's not very long and this took far too much time to write its just words wouldn't come but I have it down now I'm sorry forgive me please

**Eren**

 

“He is cute though, innocent looking. Those kinds of people are the ones who are great at sex. They’re absolute whore’s in bed.”

I’m going to kill him. There was nothing else that I could do. Armin was near tears, trying desperately to focus on his work. He was tapping his leg nervously. Jean was getting to him. Jean was getting to _me!_ He needed to shut the fuck up. I needed to get him to shut the fuck up because he was _hurting Armin._

“So when are you going to get with that?”

I’m going to fucking kill him. I grit my teeth and glared at the papers in front of me. I had to get him to shut up. Armin looked at me, trying to get me to calm down with that simple look. Normally it would work. But the way he was looking at me, I knew he was intending for me to calm down but all his eyes could say was ‘Help me.” I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to block Jean’s words out from my head. If I couldn’t see him, I couldn’t see what he was saying. It was simple. Just shut your eyes and he’s not there.

And then Armin’s hand stiffened on my arm and I knew he was still talking like I could hear him. I opened my eyes and turned around to him, shaking because I was so pissed and he wouldn’t _shut up._

Jean smirked at me, tilting his head. “I bet he’s a slut in bed.”

I lunged at him, wrapping my hands around his throat and slamming him to the ground. How dare he? How fucking dare he talk about Armin like that? That was my best friend. That was the boy I grew up protecting from people like him. Armin was too sweet, he wasn’t good with taunts and physical violence. I had to be there. I had to be there to protect him because sometimes him just trying to talk his way out of a situation didn’t work. He wasn’t even trying though with Jean. He just took whatever he threw at him.

I threw a punch at Jean’s face, and the classroom erupted in chaos. I could feel Armin and Marco trying to pry me off him, but I refused. Someone had to teach this guy a lesson. Someone had to shove it into his thick skull that you just _couldn’t do that._

I had to protect Armin. That was my job. That’s been my job ever since we met. It’s not going to stop now that we’re in college. It’s never going to stop. I’m always going to be there. I’m always going to help him and pick him up and save him because I was in too deep. I liked him too much, and I needed to protect him. I needed to keep him _safe._

 

 

 

“Please, please you can’t expel him.”

I watched Armin plead with the administration, watching his hands flail around wildly. He was signing as he was talking. He only ever did that when he was trying to get a point across. I don’t even think he knew what he was doing.

He was also lying through his teeth. He was a good liar. He’s always been a good liar. He could get me out of trouble with just a few words and get what he wanted with a small white lie. He couldn’t fool me though. I knew the little signs that told me he wasn’t telling me the truth. His fingers would twitch and he’d lick his lips more than usual.

And his fingers were twitching like crazy.

“Since he lost his mom he’s been having a rough time.” Okay that part was true. I couldn’t even deny that. He licked his lips; he’s going to lie now. “He doesn’t know how to interact with people though. He can’t hear, you know that! He can’t tell what people are saying half the time! He thought Jean was talking bad about his mom; please understand that’s why he lashed out. He’s like a kid. I have to be around him all the time to make sure he doesn’t do something stupid! This was my fault. I should have stepped in to stop him sooner. If you’re going to punish anyone punish me. Please don’t kick him out of school. He needs an education. You’d just be doing him a disservice if you tossed him out now.” Armin was far too good a liar. I watched as the staff look at one another with worried expressions.

I got out with a warning. The next time I got in a fight they were kicking me out.

And boy did I get an ear full… well, as much of one as a deaf person could get.

“I can’t believe you!” He was shouted, that much I could tell. Mostly because his face was red and his eyes were wide. “You’re were this close-,” He pinched his fingers. “ _This close,_ to being expelled! You’re lucky I was there to save your sorry ass!” Oh lord, he was cussing. Armin only did that when he was completely furious. I was in deeper shit with him then I thought. “I can’t keep doing this Eren! I can’t keep saving you every single time you get into a fight, this needs to fucking stop!”

I wanted to retort and say that I was protecting him, but he wasn’t even looking at me. He would see what I was saying.

I was feeling guilty, I didn’t mean to cause him this much trouble. But what was I supposed to do? Just sit back and let Jean make lewd comments and make my best friend uncomfortable? As far as I saw it, I had no other choice. If Armin refuses to stick up for himself when it comes to Jean I’ll do it for him.

After a while Armin slumped on his bed, putting his head in his hands and pulling on his hair. My stomach dropped and I forced my feet to move so I could sit next to him. He ignored me though, instead focusing his attention on the floor. He was upset, more so then I’d seen him in a long time. I bumped him lightly with my shoulder and still he refused to look at me. Good job, Eren, you’ve royally screwed up.  Pat yourself on the back you’ve officially broken your best friend.

I wrapped my arms around him and leaned into him heavily so he’d have no other choice but to acknowledge me. He flailed, reaching up to push me away but I refused to let him go. Instead I nuzzled his chest and squirmed closer to him. I felt him sigh, and he started running his fingers through my hair.

“I’m sorry,” I signed to him, looking up and putting on my best sad face. I had great puppy dog eyes, he could almost never not forgive me whenever I used them.

“Sorry isn’t going to be able to save you next time,” Armin motioned back.

“I’m sorry.” I repeated.

He frowned, “I know.”

 

 

I closed, wrapping my hand around myself. All I could think about was Armin, how soft his skin was and how big his eyes were and wondering how he would look if he were wrecked. If _I_ were the one to do that to him. I knew the image in my head wouldn’t do him justice but fuck it if it was all I had. I leaned my head against the tile wall of the shower and took a shaky breath.

This was so stupid. I shouldn’t be thinking like this. I shouldn’t be thinking about him underneath me squirming. I shouldn’t be thinking about the vibrations in his chest when he’d moan, or how his face would look when he came. 

I stroked myself, long tight strokes. God I hope I wasn’t making any noise. That would be embarrassing. Armin was out with Marco, so it’s not like he could hear me, but I would rather neighbors not complain.

My knees wobbled and I shifted my position hoping to not fall. I chewed on my lip to bite back any noise I might make. I was burning up, and not just because the water was mildly scalding.

I came, shaking and leaning against the wall of the shower.

This is bad. I’m in far too deep.


	11. Oops

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hate hate HATE this chapter. I've rewritten it so many times and I can't get it right and I've given up so here

**Armin**

 

 

 _‘It’ll be fun!’_ he said. _‘I won’t let Jean mess with you’_ he said. _‘We’re out of soda, I’ll be right back’_ he said.

I was going to burn Marco’s dorm down to the ground when he got back. That’s it. There’s no other option. I’m not a violent person but right now all my thoughts were about how I was going to get back at him for this. He left me alone with Jean to go buy soda from the store that was like ten minutes away. Ten minutes was too long. I told him I didn’t need any. I promised him water was fine. I even offered to go with him.

We were supposed to hang out, talk to each other. I was supposed to have someone to lean on about Eren and he was supposed to talk about Jean. Jean wasn’t even supposed to be here. He was supposed to have left to see his parents like an hour ago, but they cancelled on him. Now I’m stuck sitting on the couch awkwardly staring at the action movie on the TV screen trying my best to ignore Jean. Not that it was easy. He kept looking over at me and bouncing his leg like he wanted to say something.

I was texting Eren, and he was attempting to keep me calm through the whole thing. I wanted nothing more than to just run out of here and go back to my dorm. But I’d feel awful when Marco came back and I wasn’t here anymore. I messed around with my phone, playing little games to keep myself distracted while I messaged Eren.

 

_Eren: I could come over, keep u company until Marco gets back._

_Armin: Would you promise not to kill Jean?_

_Eren: I could try not 2_

I rolled my eyes at that. If Eren came down it was almost certain that the two would butt heads. I didn’t feel like patching Eren up again. But I also didn’t feel like being alone with Jean any longer.

 

_Armin: Fine, his dorm number is 223._

I sighed and leaned back, rubbing my forehead. Now I just had to wait for him to get here. I eyed the time on my phone nervously.

“Who are you texting?”

I looked over at Jean, and he just stared back sheepishly. _Sheepishly?_ Since when was he shy? I stared at him cautiously.

“Eren,” I muttered, and opted to look away from him. He hadn’t bothered me in class lately. I think he gave up. The trip to the office must have scared him more than it did Eren. I was incredibly thankful for that. But now that we were alone and without Eren I was on edge.

It was quiet for a moment before Jean spoke up again, “Can I talk to you? It’s important.”

I looked at him from the corner of my eye, “Depends on what you need to talk about.”

“It’s Marco.”

I frowned, turning my body to look at him, “What about Marco?”

He pursed his lips, looking down at his lap, “This is really stupid, I’m sorry.”

I raised an eyebrow, “Well, go on.”

He took a deep breath, “I’m not interested in you. I never have been. I’m an ass; I won’t try to deny that. I was an ass to you. I said some awful things, but I was trying to get a rise out of Marco. You probably don’t even believe that. _Shit._ ”

…What?

“Why are you telling me this?” I asked cautiously.

“I need your help.” He looked at me desperately, and I found myself feeling a little sorry for him because maybe if he hadn’t been such an ass to me I might take him more seriously right now. All I could think about was how this might be a ploy.

“With what?” I asked.

He sighed, “I know Marco likes me. That’s great. That’s fantastic. It means I don’t have to worry about whether or not he’s interested. It’s just… he doesn’t _do anything_ about it. I thought maybe if I flirted with someone else…” Jean trailed off.

“You wanted to make him jealous,” I deadpanned. Out of all the ways he could have gone about it he chose _that_ route.

“I know you hate me. I’m sorry I’m an asshole. But I need your help.”

I narrowed my eyes at him, “What are you planning?”

“You don’t have to do this. This is just an idea. I can figure out something else later.” He wrung his hands in his lap.

“Why not just tell him you like him too?” That would be so much easier than this. They’d already be together and Jean could get out of my hair finally.

He groaned, “I’ve tried. I’ve tried so hard.” He leaned over and buried his face in his palms. “It won’t come out though. I can’t get myself to say it.”

“So….”

“So, maybe if,” he paused. “Okay, just hear me out here, maybe if he saw me kissing someone else maybe he’d actually do something about it.”

I raised an eyebrow, “You want to kiss me to make him jealous.”

“It’ll be when he comes back. When the door opens I’ll kiss you and he’ll walk in on us and…”

The door knob jiggled, and before I had a chance to say no Jean’s eyes widened and suddenly he was kissing me. He didn’t waste any time before shoving his tongue in my mouth and I was too shocked to do anything. I put my hands on his shoulders to keep my balance because I was sure I was going to fall backwards. By the time I started to push him away he had pulled back and was looking at the door. I saw his face darken and I followed his eyes.

 “Eren?”


	12. And They Kissed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ew this is short, sorry

**Eren**

 

I grimaced. I couldn’t leave him alone with that asshole. I had been ready to tie him to the chair and never let him leave the dorm when he had said he was hanging out with Marco today. In all truth it was pure will power that was keeping me from dragging Armin out of there. I didn’t want him near Jean and I wouldn’t put it past that horse faced asshole to try something. Hell he was probably already doing something _now._

 

_Eren: I could come over, keep u company until Marco gets back._

 

_Armin: Would you promise not to kill Jean?_

I rolled my eyes at that, and quickly typed out a reply.

 

_Eren: I could try not 2_

_Armin: Fine, his dorm number is 223._

 

I quickly stuffed my phone in my pocket and ran out of the dorm. I dodged students and teachers and didn’t bother taking the elevator because I knew it would take too long with everyone using it. Instead I took the stairs two steps at a time. It took a while to find it and when I did I paused outside of the door to catch my breath, I wanted to look as menacing as I could manage as I saved Armin. If I couldn’t fight Jean I could at least scare him a little… maybe. I didn’t even think about knocking, and the door wasn’t locked luckily. It fell open and I stepped in.

I immediately wished I hadn’t.

They were kissing. Jean’s tongue was in Armin’s _mouth._ My mouth fell open and at once every angry emotion passed through me. I wanted to tear Jean apart. I wanted to make him hurt, because how _dare he?!_ How could Armin? He knew how much I hated him, and I thought he hated him too.

I stood frozen as they broke apart upon my arrival, Jean’s face going from surprised to angry. Armin stared at me like he couldn’t believe what he was seeing, and I was feeling the exact same way. I was having trouble wrapping it around my head that they were kissing.

I was furious. Armin told me he made him uncomfortable; he always acted like he never wanted anything to do with him. Was he lying? Was I reading the signs all wrong?

Armin jumped over the back of the couch signing quickly, “It isn’t what it looks like, Eren!”

How? How is it not what it looks like? I couldn’t even look him in the eye, I didn’t want him to see what I was feeling. I grabbed his arm and dragged him out of the room. If I stayed any longer I’d hurt Jean, and I had put Armin through enough already. But what was this? Was this why he got so mad when we fought? Was he more worried about Jean then me when we attacked each other? Maybe that was the only reason he got so mad at me….

It hurt. It felt like my entire being was falling apart. I was supposed to be the one kissing Armin. That should have been _me._ Was I too late? Should I have told him how I felt sooner? I was crying, but I didn’t bother wiping off my face. I just wanted to get us back to our dorm so I could talk to him. I had so much to say, every bit of it scaring me, and I just couldn’t go without saying it.

When we got back to ours I unloaded everything on him.

“He doesn’t deserve you!” I signed at him. “He’s disgusting! You could do so much better!”

“Eren, please,” he was desperate, tearing up as I paced the room but I refused to listen. I had to talk first.

“Jean’s been an asshole the whole time we’ve known him,” I signed angrily. I paused to wipe at my wet face wishing I could just stop crying. Armin was the last person I wanted to see me cry, he had already seen it too many times as it was. “All the things he said to you were filthy and disgusting, and you still kiss him? Do you like him Armin?”

“No-!”

“You’re better then that! You’re amazing and he’s awful and you’re beautiful and he’s not!”

And before I could stop myself I was kissing him. I cupped his face in my hands and I kissed him with everything I had. I could taste his tears on his lips and my heart shattered even more. I didn’t want to make him cry. I didn’t want to hurt him. I was supposed to protect him, that’s always been my job. I always watched out for him and kept him safe and now _I_ was the one hurting him.

I pulled away, looking at his shocked face realizing what I had done, and then I ran out of the room without looking back.


	13. 23 Missed Calls

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This took longer to write then it was supposed to. I hate school so much.

**\- Armin -**

 

Eren hasn’t returned my calls.

It’s not like he’d be able to hear me even if he did pick up, but my texts weren’t going through. He was ignoring me. I was hoping that if I was persistent enough he would finally talk to me.

Two days, he’s been gone for two days and I’m pretty sure my world is collapsing on itself. It was never supposed to go this way. This was never supposed to happen. I knew I shouldn’t blame Jean, but I couldn’t help but believe that this was all his fault. I was angry and I was directing it all at him. He’s the reason Eren got so angry. He’s the reason he’s gone. He’s the reason he won’t call me back.

Mikasa couldn’t tell me much. When I called her she said he had locked himself in her spare bedroom and wouldn’t come out for anything. She told me to let him be for a little bit, that he’d come out when he was ready. But I didn’t _want_ to wait. I needed to see him now.

Eren kissed me.

I still hadn’t wrapped my head around that. I couldn’t forget how happy I was in that moment. Everything felt right. And then he pulled away from me like I was on fire and I saw the regret in his eyes and everything crashed around me. I didn’t even have the chance to say something before he ran out the door. He left without offering an explanation. He left before I could tell him I liked him too, loved him even. I wouldn’t message him that though. That was something I wanted to tell him in person.

But he’s ignoring me, and suddenly it seemed like that would never happen.

I looked at my phone, going through the last couple of text messages Eren and I had sent before he had walked in on Jean kissing me. I wanted to redo it all. I wanted to have never asked him to come over. If I had just stuck it out none of this would be happening. I felt _sick._

My stomach growled at me and I frowned down at it. Eating was the last thing I wanted to do, but I hadn’t ate a decent meal since Eren ran out. I put my phone in my pocket after making sure the volume was up all the way. If Eren messaged me I didn’t want to miss it.

Eren wasn’t the kind of person who ran away from his problems. He faced them head on and dealt with them, and though most of the time it was through violence I knew he would never hurt me. Why did I have to be different, though? Why did he have to run away from me?

It hurt more then I should have let it.

I didn’t bother getting anything bigger then a granola bar and a Pepsi from the vending machine. I was sure I wouldn’t be able to stomach much more than that. The thought of food was nauseating at this point but if I didn’t eat it would only make things worse for me.

The last person I wanted to see was the first person I saw on my way back.

“Armin,” Jean looked massively guilty, to his credit. “Are you okay?”

“Go away, Jean,” I brushed past him. I didn’t want to talk to anyone, especially not Jean. He was the reason I was in this mess in the first place.

“I’m sorry,” he pleaded. “I didn’t think this would happen. I just-.”

I turned on him, jabbing a finger into his chest, “Man the fuck up, Jean. Just tell Marco. Don’t use me for your stupid plans anymore! You’ve just been hurting him. Confess, get on with your life, and _leave. Me. Out of it._ You’ve already ruined everything for me and Eren, don’t make it worse. _”_

I spun around and walked away quickly before he had a chance to respond.

 

 

 

Jean had told Marco.

Marco had called me ecstatic, gushing about it and I tried to be happy for him. I really did. But it _hurt._ It hurt because everything was going to well for him and I was on day four of no Eren and I didn’t know what to even do with myself. I had trouble getting out of bed, I was skipping classes, and everything was _wrong._

Marco didn’t even notice how awful I was feeling. He was too busy making doe eyes at Jean. When they kissed during class I thought I was going to be sick. It reminded me of when Jean kissed me, how wrong that felt. It reminded me of when Eren kissed me.

Professor Hanji excused me when she saw me the next class. It wasn’t until I got back to the dorm and looked in the mirror that I realized how awful I looked. I tried to fix my mess of hair, but eventually gave up. There was nothing I could do about the dark bags underneath my eyes and I didn’t even try. I just curled up on Eren’s bed and cried. I sobbed until I started to hiccup, until my eyes had finally had enough and dried up. I cried until I started to dry heave.

I was pathetic.

I called Eren again, and I was sent straight to voicemail.


	14. Give Up Hope

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ew short chapter

**-Eren-**

Even if Mario Kart couldn’t make me feel completely better, it did help a lot.

My phone rang too much, so I turned it on silent. Armin kept calling though. Maybe I was an ass for ignoring him but what did he expect? After how I acted and what I did I didn’t want to face him. It’s not like I could hear him anyways, which was like a slap in the face. Once again my disability was proving to be an asshole. Whenever his face showed up on my phone when he called I kept thinking of him kissing Jean. I couldn’t help but see Jean’s tongue in his mouth and his dirty hands all over him and it was killing me to think of what they might be doing _now._

Every time I let it go to voicemail I thought about _me_ kissing _him._ I thought about touching him and making him moan. I thought about all the times I’d made him laugh until he cried or when he smiled so big I couldn’t help but feel like if Armin was happy maybe everything would be okay.

I wanted him out of my head.

So I turned off my phone.

The days blurred together and I couldn’t even tell whether it was day or night or how many days had even passed. If I wasn’t playing Mikasa’s DS I was crying. If I wasn’t crying I was looking through the texts Armin sent me. All of them were begging me to talk to him, saying over and over that I needed to come back. I never did.

If I wasn’t doing any of that I was sleeping. Sleep took up most of my time. Being angry and sad and frustrated wears you out and it was easier to close your eyes and forget you existed for a while. Except my nightmares were worse and Armin wasn’t here to help me. Mikasa had to do that for him, and for a while she hardly let me out of her sight.  

There was no way I could escape. My waking moments were plagued with thoughts of Armin and when I closed my eyes I was back in my burning house trying to get mom out.

I was breaking apart.

Mikasa went to the campus and picked up all my homework from the teachers.  She told them I was home sick. No one questioned her. The stack of papers just grew and grew and grew on the table but I couldn’t bring myself to work on it. So they sat there and piled up.

It had to have been a week.

Armin stopped trying after a while. I didn’t get a message or a call from him. He gave up trying to contact me.

I gave up hope that I could somehow fix this.

 

 

Mikasa was tentative in her footsteps as she approached me. I watched her warily from underneath the covers wishing she would leave. I didn’t want to talk to her. I didn’t want her pity or encouragement. I most definitely did not want her telling me to talk to Armin.

The blanket was ripped off of me and I shrieked in surprise. That was incredibly unlike Mikasa.

Shit. She’s fed up with me.

“Talk to him,” she signed. Her brows furrowed in frustration. “Now.”

I narrowed my eyes at her and shook my head ‘no’. I didn’t expect the punch to the shoulder I got and I gaped at her.

“Talk. To. Him.”

“Why should I?” I signed at her. I was angry again. I was crying again, so _easily._ I wiped at him face and scowled at the wetness on my hands like it was the reason everything was so messed up.

She grabbed my chin and jerked my head up towards her to get my attention. “Armin’s upset. You’re upset. This could all be fixed if you two just talked and worked this all out.”

“I kissed him,” I told her. “I can’t fix that.”

“I know, but you don’t need to.” Her shoulders dropped and she sat down next to me. “Talk to him. Please, Eren. I can’t stand to see you two like this. I’ll kick you out if I have to.”

I buried my face in her shoulder. I didn’t want to talk anymore. Mikasa wasn’t going to have that. She pulled me up from the bed and hauled me out of her apartment. I stumbled after her stubbornly trying to keep my feet planted on the ground. Mikasa had always been stronger then me though and she easily kept tugging me forward. She shoved me into her car with a scowl.

“What the hell are you doing?!” I was frantic. She shut the door on me and when I tried to open it, it refused to budge. Child lock. Figures Mikasa would do something as stupid as that.

I lunged into the front seat to get out from there only for Mikasa to push me back as I got in. She turned to me and glared. “You’re going to talk to Armin, Eren. You’re not coming back unless you do. You’re going to apologize, let him talk, apologize again, and _then_ if you need to come back to my place you can.”

All I could do was slump in my seat on the ride to the campus.


	15. Notice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Why I haven't been updating

Idk if any of you follow me on tumblr you probably already know this, but I have terrible terrible depression. I haven't been able to write let alone get out of bed at all lately which is why there's been a rather sad lack of updates. I'm really sorry about that, I've gotten quite a few messages on when I'll be updating. I am trying but I need to put my mental health and my school grades above my stories because I have a responsibility to myself to make sure that what I put out is good. I may post a few shorts here and there but I'm so so so sorry to those of you who follow my multi chapter fics, I can not keep writing them right now. As soon as I can get my life back on track I'll start updating those again.

I'm really sorry.

My tumblr is Neadevar.tumblr.com in you want to drop by I guess


	16. Update

Hey guys, I'm so sorry that I've been updating literally everything BUT this.

I'm doing a lot better, still having a rough time here and there but that's pretty much normal for me, but I'm having a hard time picking this story back up so as for now its going to be kind of on hold. I feel awful for having to do that but I've been staring at the computer screen for months trying to figure out how to put words together to put up another chapter. I'm only going to stop writing this temporarily, and I'm going to keep it up, and hopefully someday (soon if I'm lucky) I'll be able to pick it back up again and give you guys something good. 

I hate that I have to do this but I don't want to keep you guys hanging when I know I can't put anything out that'll be worth while so until I can all I can offer is my apologies.

 


	17. Important Note

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is the same note posted on Bite Me

Honestly if you all want to yell at me for this I wouldn’t blame you I want to yell at myself.

Long story short, I’m discontinuing Bite Me and Let Me Hear You Say You Love Me. I hate to do it, but I’ve been tossing the idea around for a few months and I think it’s time to let them go. I haven’t been able to put out any new chapters or even begin write any new ones. I’ve kinda fallen out of the fandom and lost all inspiration to write them. Maybe when season 2 comes out I’ll get back into it but I’ve pretty much lost all interest. I will try to continue writing A Fever as I’m still feeling that story but we’ll see in the next few months.

I know I’ve promised a few of you that I would be posting a new chapter, or that I wasn’t done with the story, and I have tried so so so hard to keep that promise. I don’t want to put out shitty chapters though, and that’s what will happen if I keep trying to write these stories. I really am sorry about this.


End file.
